What Makes Me Better Than You?

Introduction

It’s no secret that the United States is experiencing its fair share of conflicts involving racism, bullying, and social cliques. Unfortunately, it’s surfacing in ways which grieve all of us.

As I’ve explored this topic in depth over the past few months, I’ve come to the conclusion that the heart of the issue isn’t racism, bullying, or cliques. The issue isn’t that the “bad guys” are just doing their thing. I don’t even think hate is at the center of the conflicts. I think there’s something much deeper than any of these things and the goal of my exploration on this topic is to dig through all these layers in order to get to the real heart of it.

Is There a Racist in Me?

No one wants to be called a racist. Being a racist has a negative connotation to it. As far as I’m aware, I’ve always been very accepting of people, regardless of what skin color they are or what country they’re from. Yet as part of my exploration, I decided to do some introspection into my own life to see if I’m a racist.

What is a racist? According to Merriam-Webster, racism is “a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.”[1] When I apply this definition to my own life, I don’t see any belief I’ve ever had which says that I’m superior to anyone else simply because I’m Caucasian or American.

But I’d be foolish to end my exploration here. Let’s pull a concept out of Merriam-Webster’s definition in order to write a much broader definition of racism: racism is a belief that certain differences make me better than other people.

I don’t know about you, but for me, this definition of racism hits much closer to home. Ever since I can remember, I’ve believed that things about me make me better than other people such as being tall, having a rare personality type, getting good grades, being busy all the time, being smart, having a B.S. in civil engineering, having a M.A. in Christian Ministry, being married, being a Christian…and the list could go on and on.

Although my belief may not have anything to do with skin color, the principle is the same. It seems that there’s something I gain from believing that I’m better than other people. What is it?

Why Do I Want to be Better than Everyone Else?

As far back as I can remember, I wanted to not just be good at everything, but I wanted be the best. I didn’t really care what I was the best at…I just wanted to be the best at something. I learned every math flash card and would regularly win games of “around the world” in math class. When we had a competition to read the most books, I read more books than I can remember in order to be the best reader. I spent hours throwing a tennis ball up against the brick wall of our house in order to become one of the best baseball players in West Carrollton’s Little League baseball.

Why wasn’t it good enough for me to just be good at something? Why did I feel the need to be better than everyone else? I think I tried to be best at something because that was how I felt valuable.

Do you remember when your gym teacher would pick two people to be team captains and then those two people would proceed to pick people to be on their teams? It was quite an honor to be the first pick and quite humiliating to be the last pick. I even remember team captains fighting over who had to take the last pick. Looking back on these events, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain that some of the kids felt who always got picked last.

Back to where I was going with this. If you ever had the honor of being picked first, maybe you felt like the reason you were picked was because the captain thought you were going to make a big contribution to the team. Or maybe you felt like you were picked first because the captain liked you more than he liked everyone else. Regardless of why you thought you got picked first, being the first-overall pick makes you feel valuable.

Feeling valuable is, I believe, really at the heart of racism, bullying, and social cliques. We all have a desire to feel valuable. And the way we feel valuable is when we feel like we’re better than other people. Therefore, I think the desire to feel valuable drives the undesirable racist, bullying, and social clique behaviors we exhibit.

Is Anyone Better than Anyone Else?

Although I’d like to dig deeper into understanding the desire to feel valued, it would distract from the rest of this discussion, so I’ll save this discussion for next week. In the meantime, I want to investigate whether any of our differences make us any better than anyone else.

In each of the following examples, which of the two would make you a better person?

·         Are you better if you’re introverted or extraverted?

·         Are you better if you save your money or spend your money?

·         Are you better if you smoke or if you abstain from smoking?

·         Are you better if you’re a homosexual or if you’re straight?

·         Are you better if you have sex before you get married or wait to have sex until you get married?

·         Are you better if you get up at the crack of dawn or sleep until noon?

·         Are you better if you’re busy or not busy?

·         Are you better if you exercise regularly and eat healthy or if you watch TV while eating potato chips?

·         Are you better if you’re religiously affiliated or religiously unaffiliated?

·         Are you better if you stay home with the kids or have a job?

·         Are you better if you climb the corporate ladder or if you continue doing the same job for forty years?

On how many of these questions was it obvious which one of the two answers was better than the other one? Most of them? Some of them? Or hardly any of them?

Personally, I don’t think any of these things make anyone any better than anyone else. Certainly some of these things can lead to more success in the American business world, but none of these things makes anyone better than anyone else.

I think the Bible says it best: “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return…” (Job 1:21). We are all born with nothing and we all leave with nothing. We’re all in exactly the same boat. And absolutely nothing we either inherited or do makes us superior over anyone else.

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So what makes me better than you? Absolutely nothing. There is nothing inherent or developed about me that makes me better than anyone else. We’re all unique, but none of my differences are any better or worse than your differences.

Do you agree or disagree with my thoughts on this topic? Do you see some of the same patterns in your life? If so, how are you going to respond to this realization?

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[1] “Racism,” Merriam-Webster, accessed September 20, 2017, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/racism.